1 minute comedic monologue for teenage girl

You know, I was walking by you to go into the house because you were sitting on the steps drunk, singing to yourself. Like, what's even going on? Are you trying out for a role in 'Les Mis' or something? Newsflash: you're not Jean Valjean, dude.

And don't even get me started on how you think you're some kind of genius because you can solve math problems in your head faster than anyone else. Oh wow, you must be so proud of yourself. Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to figure out how to survive high school without losing my mind.

You know what's funny? People always say that education is the key to success, but what they really mean is that having a 4.0 GPA and being able to recite Shakespearean sonnets is the key to success. But let me tell you, it doesn't matter if I can solve a Rubik's cube in under a minute or write a poem about the meaning of life – all anyone cares about is whether I can fit into the popular crowd.

And don't even get me started on how my parents are always trying to mold me into this perfect little cookie-cutter kid. Like, mom, dad, chill out! I'm not going to be some genius or a famous musician or whatever it is you both want me to be. I just want to make it through high school without too many scars.

So yeah, that's my rant for the day. Or rather, that's my attempt at being profound and witty like a 40-year-old comedy writer. But honestly, who knows what I'm going to do with my life? Maybe I'll be a famous comedian, or maybe I'll just end up working at this crappy coffee shop on campus. Either way, I'll still be laughing about how ridiculous high school is.

1 minute comedic monologue for teenage girl